Eating Alone...by Juli

So a few weeks ago there was a poll taken asking who would go to the movies or dinner by themselves. It seems like all the moms and the majority of everyone else said, "of course!" as if it was the best thing since sliced bread. As for me I admitted a firm "NO!" I absolutely hate being in a situation alone were something awkward might happen and I am all alone and lost and speechless and numb. And why go see a movie by yourself?! I just cannot see how that would be fun. I would be nervous that some stinky bum would sit next to me or that the power would go out and I can't find my way to the exit, or my shoes stick to the groungd and I can't move and they lock the theater up with me still glued to the floor. Is it all that weird? Ok, ok I have issues.

Well I am proud to say that I had a very alone moment and I documented how it all went down just for YOU! Ok, so last Friday I went to Ikea all by myself. I loooovvvveee shopping by myself. There's no pressure to keep up the pace or feel guilty that you have been staring at the duvet covers for 35 minutes. No pressure. And the drive, no biggy. Peace and quiet. Well after dilly dally-ing about I made my purchases and concluded that my ikea migraine might be settled with some good 'ol swedish meatballs. "ok Juli, you can do this. Its like a cafeteria. Nobody cares you are all alone" So into the huge line I go. No one to review the menu with or suggest we go halvsies on anything. Ok, got my

meatballs and water. Now the awkward part...where to sit. Ah, a bar seat, perfect. No one to the left, a couple far to the right. Now for a fork...fork, hmmm, why are there no forks? This english girl needs a knife and fork to eat. Ok, I guess it will be a spoon and knife. Now I feel like a baby eating at ikea. I stare out over the entrance of the ikea escalator while I feel eyes burning in the back of my head..."why is that girl eating her meatballs with a spoon?" Yes, these are the awkward moments I think are happening that really arent. Ok so i survived lunch. It wasn't a big deal, but the stress of the whole experience didn't help the headache. Suddenly I notice that if you have made a $100 purchase you get your lunch reimbursed. Wallah! Music to my ears. I go get my number at the return section to get my money back and that buys me enough time for a $1 ice cream cone...the best! Now while I am licking away on the vanilla swirl of goodness this guy is like, "Wow, that looks really good...how much is it? where did you get it? blah blah blah" Do you know how awkward it is to realize that someone has been watching you while you madly lick a cone like a dehydrated giraffe? That was a moment that I wish I had a buddy to snicker with.

So you see, it's not safe for me to be alone in eating environments and you must not let me do it again. From here on out I will either starve alone or gorge accompanied...and thats that.