Monday, July 25, 2011

Eating Alone...by Juli

So a few weeks ago there was a poll taken asking who would go to the movies or dinner by themselves. It seems like all the moms and the majority of everyone else said, "of course!" as if it was the best thing since sliced bread. As for me I admitted a firm "NO!" I absolutely hate being in a situation alone were something awkward might happen and I am all alone and lost and speechless and numb. And why go see a movie by yourself?! I just cannot see how that would be fun. I would be nervous that some stinky bum would sit next to me or that the power would go out and I can't find my way to the exit, or my shoes stick to the groungd and I can't move and they lock the theater up with me still glued to the floor. Is it all that weird? Ok, ok I have issues.

Well I am proud to say that I had a very alone moment and I documented how it all went down just for YOU! Ok, so last Friday I went to Ikea all by myself. I loooovvvveee shopping by myself. There's no pressure to keep up the pace or feel guilty that you have been staring at the duvet covers for 35 minutes. No pressure. And the drive, no biggy. Peace and quiet. Well after dilly dally-ing about I made my purchases and concluded that my ikea migraine might be settled with some good 'ol swedish meatballs. "ok Juli, you can do this. Its like a cafeteria. Nobody cares you are all alone" So into the huge line I go. No one to review the menu with or suggest we go halvsies on anything. Ok, got my
meatballs and water. Now the awkward part...where to sit. Ah, a bar seat, perfect. No one to the left, a couple far to the right. Now for a fork...fork, hmmm, why are there no forks? This english girl needs a knife and fork to eat. Ok, I guess it will be a spoon and knife. Now I feel like a baby eating at ikea. I stare out over the entrance of the ikea escalator while I feel eyes burning in the back of my head..."why is that girl eating her meatballs with a spoon?" Yes, these are the awkward moments I think are happening that really arent. Ok so i survived lunch. It wasn't a big deal, but the stress of the whole experience didn't help the headache. Suddenly I notice that if you have made a $100 purchase you get your lunch reimbursed. Wallah! Music to my ears. I go get my number at the return section to get my money back and that buys me enough time for a $1 ice cream cone...the best! Now while I am licking away on the vanilla swirl of goodness this guy is like, "Wow, that looks really good...how much is it? where did you get it? blah blah blah" Do you know how awkward it is to realize that someone has been watching you while you madly lick a cone like a dehydrated giraffe? That was a moment that I wish I had a buddy to snicker with.
So you see, it's not safe for me to be alone in eating environments and you must not let me do it again. From here on out I will either starve alone or gorge accompanied...and thats that.

10 comments:

Jessica said...

Okay, you are hilarious!!!! I'm proud of you for doing it. I guess if you don't like it, you shouldn't have to do it!

Amanda B. said...

Yes, shopping alone is the best! Eating alone, not so much. Always awkward for me too. Although, since I am the world's biggest freak magnet, it means that some creepy weirdo from the train tracks will end up sitting next to me, or the random lady with facial hair will, and then strike up a conversation. *sigh*
Hope you found some cool stuff though!

Jessica said...

ha ha Amanda, I'm a crazy magnet too. Zack always says that if we go anywhere and there is a crazy person who wants to talk, they are going to come find me!

Anonymous said...

I suggest we get up early :-/ and drive in comfortable silence, coffees in hand to Ikea where we will part ways and shop until our stomachs are growing at which point we will meet up in the cafeteria to eat Swedish meatballs til we r so stuffed we might have to take a nap before we can drive home....sounds like the perfect day to me!

Nina :-)

Amanda B. said...

I have stories, galore. You don't EVEN know.
(But glad I am not alone!)

Anonymous said...

Eating alone & shopping alone
yup i can do that and i get no crazy, freaky people to
Bobby

Jessica said...

haha, this was funny! So something I have done! I went early and made sure I got the super cheap breakfast! I love the french toast dunkers!
I love to shop alone too, unless it's with people who understand my shopping style, aka my sisters...
Now I want to go to Ikea!

Come check out our blog:) We finally started it!!!
www.thehazelstreetdiaries.blogspot.com

Unknown said...

I actually laughed out loud about the spoon.

Jessica said...

I laughed about the spoon too! Now I'm a baby eating at IKEA. ha ha ha

Juliana said...

The spoon incident was a moment of panic. I was looking and looking and feeling a little hot and sweaty with my meat balls precariously balanced on my tray. Nothing like something hindering my food intake.